


What Could Have Been

by twistedlikes



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:21:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28100832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twistedlikes/pseuds/twistedlikes
Summary: Sara Quin had no way of knowing that buying a shirt would change her life forever. She also had no idea that coming home for the holidays years later would give her a second chance to fix things either.
Relationships: Sara Quin/Tegan Quin
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This story I wrote around this time last year I think, its one of those Christmas type movie feel good drama stories, I finished it, but never put out the last two chapters, I don't remember why, but I'll post them the rest of the week. Kinda like a Xmas gift for the fandom.  
> Cheers Guys!

Tegan Rain is in the middle of sorting out some last minute details on her homework assignment, when her best friend approaches her. She could see that Sara was excited about something by the telling smile on her face. “ I know that smile, what did you do now?”

Sara unzipped her jacket, and revealed the reason behind her excitement.  
Tegan read the writing on the shirt and sighed. “ Really?” Tegan closed her book and began putting her things away. Sara frowned, then sat next to her.  
“ What?” Sara was confused, she thought Tegan would have liked it.“ What do you mean what? Sara, that shirt only makes sense if you were a twin, and you and I both know, you’re not. ” Sara perked up to speak, but Tegan continued. “ No Sara, we are not twins!” Tegan knew she did not understand the reason she was so upset and she certainly did not feel like explaining.  
“ When we go to college next year I don’t want you telling anyone that. People really think we are, that, or that we’re-” Sara was puzzled when Tegan begins to blush, but she is oblivious to the reason.“ Look, I just want a fresh start okay?”  
“ We’re?” Sara asked, but Tegan ignored her question. Sara wanting to understand pushes on. “ You said people think we’re either twins or, or what?” Tegan gathered her things. When she did not answer, Sara became frustrated.  
“ Fine, hate my shirt.” She said in a small voice before throwing her bag back on the table and using it as a pillow, she laid her head on top of the rough material looking away from Tegan.

“ Great shirt.” Tiffany Kay said as she read the shirt out loud. “ The Evil Twin.” The two then walked side by side to get to their next class “ Right! This shirt’s sweet, Tegan fucking got all pissy this morning when I showed her. She gets in these fucked up moods when I call her the twin, or if people think we’re sister. It’s not even a big deal.” Sara for a moment feels uneasy when she thinks that Tegan does not want to be associated with her as a sibling.

Sara had not even started the whole ’Twin Thing’. When Tegan moved to town during their last year of middle school, the kids in class assumed she and Tegan were related because of their height, skin tone, and hair color. Those were the only things that made them similar. However; after they became close friends, and spending all their time together, they slowly began to mimicking each others personalities. She did not recall when the first time they were referred to as twins, but Sara loved it. Twins supposedly shared a special bond, and she wanted that with Tegan.

Tiffany laughed and Sara watched with slit eyes as she seemed to be enjoying herself too much at her expense. “What!” Sara asked while pushing her. “ What’s so fucking funny. ”  
“You, that’s what. You and Tegan, Sara you’re so fucking blind. Did you ever think she doesn’t like it cause that’s the only way you see her.” Sara scrunch up her face, “ What the hell does that mean?” Tiffany stopped and stood in front of her, she then put both hands on Sara’s shoulders. She leaned down while shaking her head. She was tired of Sara’s obliviousness. So, she looked her dead in the eyes and told Sara what everyone already knew, but her.  
“Sara, think about it, would you want to kiss your sister?”  
Everything around Sara felt fuzzy. She suddenly did not understand anything around her, she knew the blood had drained from her face. She felt it, but she snapped out of it when Tiffany began to laugh again. “Dude you should see your face. Fucking hilarious!” Sara shook her head, and shrugged her hands off her, “Yeah real fucking funny, jerk.”

“ Why are you so quiet?” Tegan asked, as she drove Sara home later that afternoon. “I’m just tired.” Tegan knew she was not being honest. She knew her friend.“ Hey, about this morning-”  
“Don’t worry about it, I don’t even care anymore.” Tegan glanced at Sara and sees that she’s busying herself with the strap to her bag pack. Tegan shifts in her seat and turns up the stereo. She was not sure why, but Tegan felt uncomfortable, and anxious suddenly at the sight of her friends demeanor.

When Tegan pulled up to Sara’s house, the evil twin got out as quickly as she could. Tegan had to shout out that she would be picking her up in a few hours for a friend’s get together. Sara did not turn around, but she did hold up her hand to let Tegan know that she had at least heard her. She was not trying to be rude, she just had to speak to her mother. She needed to empty her thoughts to the woman in her life that could help the most.  
She found her mother in the kitchen preparing dinner, and took a deep breath. “ Mum, I need your help with something.” Sonia Quin turned and noticed her daughters nervous stance. “ Of course honey, what happened? You look upset.” Sara nods her head. “ Mum, I think Tegan has feelings for me.”  
Sonia smiled, she was not surprised in the least. She had seen the way Tegan was with her daughter; in Tegan’s eyes her daughter could do no wrong, and Sonia found that delightful. She loved Tegan like she was her own. She had been expecting Sara to one day come to her and announce that she and Tegan had fallen in love. She felt like that day was coming now that Sara figured it out.  
“Okay, and how does that make you feel?” Sara shook her head and sat on one of the bar stools. “Confused, I mean, she’s my best friend. People don’t date their best friends.” Sonia laughed. “ Says who?”  
“Mum, It’s like a rule. Best friends who date break up and then they're no longer friends. Its like a fact.”  
“Is that right?” Sara shook her head. “Sara, I’ve known loads of people who’ve dated their best friends, and yes some do break-up, but not all of them end their friendships. In fact, some end up marrying each other.”  
Sara groaned. “This sucks.” Sonia is genuinely surprised that her daughter is having a hard time.  
“Is it bad if Tegan has feelings for you?”  
“Of course it is! I feel like maybe she’s just been pretending this whole time to be my friend. Like when I broke up with Shelly, she never liked her. How do I know if all the advice she gave me was honest. What if it was her way of trying to get in my-” Sara covered her mouth as her eyes bugged out. Sonia just shook her head. “Sorry mum, you know what I mean though right?” Sara’s eyes without warning began to water.  
Sonia wrapped her arms around her upset teenage daughter. “Sweetheart are you even sure she has feeling for you?” Sara nods against her mother’s shoulder. “ She doesn’t want to make out with her sister.” Sonia pulled her daughter away. “I’m sorry, what?”

When the girls entered the house party Sara quickly separated from Tegan and chose to hang out with their friend Ted. He was Sara’s best friend before Tegan moved to town.  
The alcohol helped Sara forget about the situation with her best friend and after a while she and Tegan were their usual selves. Until Tegan suddenly put her arm around Sara and began to whisper in her ear about having saved a joint for the two of them for later.  
The feeling of Tegan’s warm breath on her ear made her tense up, and she pulled away from Tegan’s touch harsher than she intended, and the act did not go unnoticed by Tegan or others around them.  
“What's with you?” Questioned Tegan. Sara shrugged, “I just don’t like people touching me.” Sara was only half lying. Tegan knew that Sara hated being touched, but she was the exception. “Whatever Sara.” Tegan walked toward another group of friends and sat next to a guy named Jeremy. He was the new guy in school whom Tegan had become close to over the months. If Tegan was not with Sara, she was with him.  
The pair managed to avoid each other safely, but when Tegan looked over to Sara kissing a girl that hated Tegan, she was livid, but also hurt that Sara would do something like that to her. Terry Clark spread lies about her, and even tried to fight her once.  
Tegan walked up to her and grabbed her by the arm roughly. “Sara we need to go, you’ve had too much to drink tonight.”  
“I’ve had four beers Tegan, that’s hardly having enough.” Tegan sighed. “ It is when you’ve been taking shots too, not to mention making out with Terry Clark for crying out loud. I promised your mum-”  
“Tegan shut up! You’re not my fucking girlfriend alright, I can do whatever the hell I want.” Tegan turned red, and when someone said, “ That girl just got told.” She felt embarrassed.  
“I-I just don’t want you to get in trouble okay.” Tegan’s voice was low, but Sara was drunk, and not thinking straight. “I can take care of myself, I don’t need or want you.” Tegan's face went slack as did her arms, she was visibly hurt, and Sara suddenly sobered up. “ Tegan-”  
“Do whatever you want. ” she said sadly, before turning to Ted. “Teddy can you do me a favor and take Sara home tonight. I’m leaving.” Tegan’s voice broke, and she walked away quickly. Sara felt bad, and she was about to run after her when Jeremy stopped her. “I think you should leave her alone.”  
Sara could not describe the feelings she was going through at that instant. Someone was trying to keep her from Tegan. That had never happened before, and she did not like it. While she was trying to understand what she was feeling Sara noticed Jeremy had gone after Tegan in her stead. She followed after him. Sara was suddenly ready for a fight, no one told her to stay away from Tegan, but by the time she made it to the front of the house, Jeremy had already jumped in Tegan’s car and the two drove off.

That weekend the two did not speak, and then Monday at school Tegan ignored her completely. Sara did not care, she wanted to be away from her as well. They managed to do this until Thursday afternoon, and the reason was not at all because of Sara apologizing like she should have. No, it was due to Sara finding out through a mutual friend that Jeremy asked Tegan out on a date, and Tegan apparently accepted.

Sara approached her when Tegan was digging through her bag for her keys in the parking lot. “Mind telling me what the hell you’re doing with Jeremy?” Tegan did not look up she just continued to search for her keys. “Sorry, I didn’t know I was suppose to get your permission to go on a date.” Tegan found her keys, and opened her car door. Sara quickly stood in front of her. “Its not about permission. You’re a lesbian Tegan, when the fuck did you start liking guys?”  
“Well I guess I’m bi.” Tegan said with no indication of it being a big deal. “Look, I have to go, I’m going to be late for work.”  
“You’re bi? You never said anything to me about being bi, or about liking Jeremy before. Now all the sudden you guys are going out. This is crazy! I’m your best friend why didn’t you say any-”  
“Oh!” Tegan said stepping back, “Best friend? That’s strange, you suddenly treat me like shit, and think that I wouldn’t know why? Tiffany told me what she said to you Sara.” Sara stood silent, she did not know what to say or do. “You and I have known each other forever, and I’ve always had your back Sara. Always!” Sara noticed that people were starting to look at them. “I never thought you would’ve treated me the way you did after she told you that. Did you even once think to come to me and find out if it were even true?” Tegan’s eyes were red, and Sara was sure tears would come soon. “I was so fucking wrong about you. Now get out of my way.” Sara moved slowly, she had not considered Tiffany being wrong at all. She did not understand why it was so easy to believe. “Was it true?” she said suddenly having to know.  
Tegan closed her car door. “Does it even fucking matter any more?” She stated before starting her car and driving away.

Later that day Sara went home and cried into her mother’s arms.

A month later Tegan and Jeremy were a couple, and she and Tegan were still not talking. It took a whole other month to go by before the two would speak again.

Tegan and Sara had volunteered months ago to stay after school and do prep work for graduation. Sara tried to get out of it, but could not. She was nervous to be around Tegan. Going from spending every possible minute together and communicating through endless calls and texts, to suddenly not so much as a peep, or eye contact with out feeling fear at the sight and turning away was cruel, and heart breaking.

Tegan however was looking forward to seeing Sara, she wanted to make things right again. She missed Sara so much that it was not unusual for her lie in bed at night and cry. She often would pick up her phone wanting to text her, but Tegan is also crazy hurt. She learned that Sara had slept with Terry a few days after she and Jeremy got together officially. Terry would pass her with a smug look on her face, and Tegan just wanted to rip the girl in two.  
It was like Sara was trying her best to make sure they never spoke again. Regardless she wanted to fix their friendship. They would after all be gong to the same college, it would be a great new start for them.

“Hey.” Tegan said with a light nervousness. Sara however did not respond, she continued with the task they were given, and did not care to speak with Tegan. To her, Tegan abandoned and replaced her with Jeremy. She hated seeing them drive off in Tegan’s car together to do who knows what. She had become so jealous of him and their relationship.

“So um, are you excited about college? I am, mum is kind of sad, but she said she was at least happy to know you would be there.”  
“ I’m not going.” Tegan stared at the shorter girl, she was not sure she had heard her correctly. “You’re not going to college?”  
Sara stood, and grabbed her bag. “I am, just not going to the one you’re going to. I changed my mind, and applied somewhere else.” She was angry. She had no idea where her anger was coming from, but she was mad. “ I was only going there because of you anyway.” Sara turned to walk away when Tegan called out to her in a wavering voice. When Sara looked back she was not expecting such a grave expression from Tegan, it startled her. “ Were you even going to tell me?” Sara shook her head. Was she always going to be the bad guy in Tegan’s eyes? Yes, she concluded. “ Why are you so surprised. You were wrong about me remember.” Tegan shoulders slouched, “ Your words Tegan. Besides you'll have your boyfriend there right?” Sara remembered Tegan trying to get Jeremy to apply with them some months back. She was done seeing Tegan and Jeremy together. That had been the real reason for changing her mind. She was done with Tegan and Jeremy's relationship being thrown in her face, and she was glad she wouldn't have to witness it any longer.

Graduating was one of the worst days for Sara, everyone saying their heart felt good byes and promises to keep in touch. It was all numbing. Sara had not been herself for many months; she missed being happy and carefree, really she just missed Tegan mostly. 

The graduating students sat in alphabetical order, and Sara for the first time since meeting Tegan was happy that there was someone between the two of them.  
When it came time to throw their hats in the air, Sara simply set hers down on her chair and walked away.  
She was ready to leave, but could not find her parents. Ted informed her that they were with Tegan and her parents.  
She watched out of view as Tegan and her parents talked happily. At one point Jeremy had shaken her fathers hand, making her blood boil. Her mother hugged Tegan and her father did the same. Sara could see that Tegan was crying, and her mother was comforting her the way she would her. She turned away when her vision blurred and wiped her tears away. She hated seeing Tegan so sad, and for the fist time in months she wanted to talk to her; to tell her it was going to be okay, to tell her that she was going to meet lots of new people, and that she wanted to keep in touch regardless if they were going to different schools.  
She could not do that though, not with all that has happened, not with all the things she had done, and certainly not while her boyfriend was standing next to her. Too much time had passed, she was too late.

Sara began walking towards the parking lot instead. Her parents bought Sara a brand new car as a graduation present, and even thought she did find joy in it, she would have still rather be sitting passenger side in Tegan’s car. Sara fucked up, and she knew it, now she was just going to have to deal with her decisions made.

Eight years later...

“Oh, come here Sara.”  
Sonia Quin hugged her daughter lovingly. She was happy that she was home for the holidays, but worried as to why her daughter at last minute decides to not spend Christmas with her wife’s family in Cancun.  
“ Hi dad, Merry Christmas.” She said while looking behind her mother. Her father Steven smiled and waited patiently for his greeting.  
Sara was happy to be home for the holidays. She did not like the idea of spending Christmas in Cancun with the Saddlers. Something about not being cozy next to a fire with her loved ones did not sit well with her.  
“ Let your father take your bag to your room, while I make us some coffee.”

Sara looked out the glass doors leading to the back yard and exhaled. “Mum, Jessica isn’t the same woman I married.” Sonia watches her daughter closely. She is worried about her only child. Seeing her daughter happy brought Sonia great joy, but seeing her daughter unsure and unhappy, was heart breaking for her.  
“ Everything is about money and how we need to have this or that in order for her to be happy.” Sonia knew Sara’s unexpected visit was not good. She was happy she was there, but she knew something was wrong in Sara’s life.

Sara took a sip before telling her mother why she was not with her Jessica, and the news was even more heart breaking. “ Mum.” Sara voice cracked, and Sonia took her daughters hand in her own. Sara’s eyes watered. “ She uh, she changed her mind about the baby.”  
“ Sara.” Sonia’s voice was a sad plead, she slid her chair closer to her daughter to console her. Sara released a few tears, into her mother’s shoulder. She did not come here to ruin everyone’s holiday with the things going on in her life, but she could not hold it in any longer. The woman she thought was the one, was slowly becoming something other. A few days ago, she told Sara she did not want to have a child after all. Sara threw the glass she had in her hand across the room and did not speak but a few words to her since the then.

“ Okay fine, alright, I’ll see you at eight. Yeah, I can’t wait either.” Sara smiled at her mother as she put her phone down, “ That was Ted, he wants to take me out, I guess coming over here for drinks finally got old.”

Sonia was happy to hear her daughter would be going out instead of spending all her time at home. She hated how her daughter pulled away from everyone after graduating high school. When she came to town, she would hole herself up in the house, and invite Ted over from a few drinks or dinner. Her mother was certain that it had to do with her estranged friend Tegan Rain.

When Sara arrived at the place Ted suggested, she was relieved that the environment was relaxed and chilled. “ Sara!” Ted stood from behind a table and made his way around to offer a hug. “You look stunning-as usual. ” Sara shied away from the compliment. “Oh look at you getting all shy.” Sara had definitely changed from the girl she was in high school. “Your hair looks so soft.” Ted reached out to touch it, but she shoved his hand away. “Okay now it feels like you’re flirting.” Ted wiggled his eye brows, “ Maybe Sara Quin, just maybe.”

“So married life huh?” asked Sara, “Welcome to the club. How are you liking it so far?” Ted smiled. “Are you kidding, I get to wake up with the woman of my dreams every morning. You know the feeling.” Sara put on the best face she could at that moment. “I’m loving life right now, everything is just so much better. What can I say? Life is good.”

She and Ted were talking and drinking a little over an hour when she heard a sweet, shy sounding voice calling out her name. It took a moment for her to recognize the person whom was speaking to her, but when she did, she gasped.  
“I can’t believe you’re here. You, you look amazing.” Sara did not blush, or shy away from the compliment, she was too surprised at seeing the woman before her. “ T-Tegan?” Sara had not said her name in so long that it was almost hard to release the words from her mouth.  
Tegan Rain, also had changed. She was smaller than Sara remembered, but her wonderful smile remained the same. She let her eyes take in all that was Tegan, and Sara could not deny that she was absolutely breath taking. Her choice of clothing was so different from high school, but to be fair so were Sara’s.  
Tegan wore skinny jeans, and a black well fit leather jacket that hid what ever shirt or button up she may be wearing. Sara was wearing skinnies as well, but an over sized grey sweater covered her top. Tegan had longer hair than she, but just by a little. She also had a piercing below her lip. That surprised Sara the most.  
“Tegan hey what’s up? Are you here with Jeremy?”  
Sara put her head down at the mention of his name. She could not believe they were still together, or whatever they were to each other.  
Tegan noticed Sara’s reaction to his name, and she wanted Sara to know that he was not there. “ No, no, he’s-”  
“ I’ll be back, I uh, you know-ladies room.”  
When Sara stood, she and Tegan were the closest they had been to each other in years, and Sara felt a pang in her chest at the thought. When Tegan gave her a half grin, she worried what she must look like for Tegan to give her that smile. It was the smile Tegan used to convey to Sara when ever she was sad or worried about something or someone. It was Tegan’s ’ I wish there was something I could do.’ smile.  
“ Excuse me.” Sara said, Tegan jumped a little and apologized for being in her way. As she walked to the ladies room, Tegan watched her.  
She missed her, she always missed Sara. She hoped tonight they could put the past behind them. Sara did not know this, but her mother had called and told Tegan were Sara would be. Tegan was so grateful for Sonia Quin.  
While in the bathroom Sara decided it was best for her to bale. She would say that she still had unpacking to do, and an early morning with her parents. Her problems with her wife were all she could stand. It was Christmas time, all she wanted was piece of mind.  
When she returned to the table, and seen Tegan was there with a fresh drink. She knew it was time for her to leave.  
Sara sat and Tegan directed her body to her, and she gave Tegan a small grin. “ Listen, guys, I’m going to go. I’m sorry.” Tegan’s smile disappeared and Ted groaned. “ What? Come on Sara, we just got here.” Sara laughed it off, “ Sorry Ted, I just got in today and I haven’t even unpacked yet.” Sara looked at Tegan who was now eyeing her wedding ring. For some unknown reason Sara quickly retreated her hands from the table and hind between her thighs.  
Tegan’s eyes focused on her drink then, and she began to stir the dark liquid. Sara could see she was upset due to her sudden departure, but she knew herself. She would not be able to hide her emotions hearing about Tegan, and the life she was having without her. Sara tried and succeeded in not knowing about Tegan, or her life. She did not want to know how happy she was. Especially when she was not.  
Ted stood and gave Sara a hug. “ How are you getting home. ” Tegan asked still in her seat. She thanked God for that, she did not want to leave Tegan with a good bye hug. “ I’ll get a cab, it uh was nice seeing you again, take care yeah. ” Tegan did not say anything in return.

Sara took in a deep breath from the crispy air around her, and cursed out loud.  
“ Hey.” Sara turned and seen Tegan with her hands in her pockets, obviously to keeping the chill away. “ I’m giving you a ride home.” Tegan walked to the car just a foot away from Sara and opened the passenger side door. “ You’re not going to find a cab right now anyway. Come on it’s fucking cold out here.” Tegan smiled as her teeth began to chatter. Sara knew she had no choice. She was only fifteen minutes away, she could endure fifteen minutes.  
The two drove in silence as the music took up the uncomfortable space in the car, but riding in Tegan’s car brought back a sense of nostalgia Sara revealed in. She had some of the best times riding with her.  
A train was just Sara’s luck, she looked at the time nervously, and Tegan shook her head.  
“Are you ever going to stop being angry with me?” Tegan said suddenly. “I’m not angry with you. ” Sara shut her eyes, she did not want to talk about the subject Tegan was referring to. “You have a funny way of showing it. We got into one little fight and you stopped being my friend. We were kids Sara, lets move on already.”  
“That’s easy for you to say.”  
Tegan wanted Sara to look at her, but Sara was not going to give Tegan anything. “Nothing about you not being in my life is easy for me. We were so close you and I, we were practically sisters-”  
Sara laughed at her choice of words. “Oh now we were like sisters, you never wanted to be associated with being my sister before.” Sara groaned, “ I should have just waited for a cab.”  
“ You are so fucking heart less.”  
Sara looked over as Tegan wiped away a few tears from her face. Sara did not understand why she was crying.  
“ Me! I’m heart less? You’re the one who decided one day to replace me with some fucking guy. How do you think that made me feel?”  
Tegan was shaking her head. “I didn’t replace you Sara, how can I-he was just there for me. You wouldn’t even talk to me. You broke my heart, and then you fucking slept with that bitch Terry. Its like the minute you found out how I felt about you, you tried to do everything you could to stop it.  
“You replaced me with that guy Tegan and you know it. And Terry-" Sara positioned her body towards Tegan when her words finally sunk in. “Broke your heart? Wait...” Sara suddenly could not think clear enough.  
Tegan shook her head and let out a sorry excuse for a laugh. “Tiffany was right, you’re so fucking oblivious. How do you still not get it?”  
“ Wait, you, you really liked me back then?” Tegan wiped more tears from her eyes, she did not say anything.  
“ But, I thought Jeremy-”  
“ Oh God, can you stop talking about Jeremy already? Leave him out of this, Jesus, we only dated for a few weeks Sara. He’s my best friend and that’s it. He’s gay anyway, we both are.”  
Tegan leaned her head on the head rest of her car. “Sara, that was ages ago. Were you never curious enough about me to know what was going on in my life at all? I ask about you all the time. When I see your mum, she knows what I want to talk about.”  
“She never told me about that, but then again I asked her not to.” The look on Tegan’s face made Sara regret saying those words out loud. “ You asked your mother to not what?” Tegan was angry, and she knew there was no way around the truth. “ I told my mum I didn’t care to hear about you. She tries sometimes, but I always walk away.”  
Tegan huffed, “You really don't give a shit about me, do you.” Sara shook her head, but Tegan went on. “ You constantly reveal yourself to me as this fucking heartless monster- this selfish person I never knew I was friends with. Its like you wanted to destroy me for loving you. I can't believe how blind, and wrong I was about you.”  
As surprised as Sara was to hear Tegan admit that she loved her, she was not at all prepared for the sudden ache she felt in her chest at the words she used to describe her. She had never in her whole life been so hurt.  
When the train passed Tegan drove the rest of the way in silence.

“Well, it was nice seeing you again Sara, lets never do this again. Now kindly get the hell out of my car.” Sara’s eyes were downcast before she looked over to Tegan who was glowering at her. Tegan gestured to the door knob with a head nod. Sara stared into Tegan’s eyes. “ I’m sorry.” Tegan looked like another person suddenly. Sara thought back to the bar and how wonderful Tegan looked, she was stunning and had a nervous glow to her, but now the light in her eyes were gone.  
“And for the first time, I don’t care.” Tegan said before driving off. 

Sara liked the sound of the snow crunching below her feet. She smiled and took another gulp of the whiskey she sneaked from her father’s liquor cabinet. She could not feel okay knowing that Tegan hated her. She had not known so many things, but she did know that Tegan was right, she was heartless monster. Tegan had loved her-really loved her enough to think of her all these years, while Sara did not even want to know anything about her.

Sara looked at the tree she and Tegan climbed to get high in. It overlooked a small creek in the back yard. She can still see the engraved capital T, lower case n, and capital S on the tree next to the branch they were able to both sit on safely above her. She had taken a knife from the kitchen to finally destroy the last of their friendship. There was no Tegan and Sara any more, so in her drunken haze she thought it was only fitting to destroy the lie on the old tree.

She did not know how or what happened. All Sara knew was one moment she was climbing the old tree, and the next she was lying face down into the snow. When she turned around and tried to sit up, she felt a sharp pain against her side.  
The last thing she remembered, was seeing her hand cradling the handle of the knife before everything went black


	2. Chapter 2

Sara did not hear the knock at the door, but she did feel the sun behind her closed eyelids. She groaned as she pulled her sheets over her head to block the new light introduced into the room around her.

“ Sara honey, it’s late, you missed breakfast.”  
Sara’s head thumped, she immediately regrets drinking her fathers liquor last night. “ I have a headache mum, I need to sleep it off.”  
Sonia was gathering Sara’s clothes from the floor, and hamper when she asked why Tegan had not spent the night. “I hope you two aren’t fighting?”  
Sara remembering the horrible night she had threw the sheets covering her, was her mother serious right then, she knew how things were between Tegan and herself, what was she thinking. “ Why the hell would she have spent the night-wait how did you know I saw Tegan last night? You told her where I was didn’t you!” Sonia let out an exhausting breath, “ Okay calm down, ignoring Tegan’s feelings isn’t going to make them go away. You’re best friends- Sara are you okay? You look a little-”

Sara could not grasp a word her mother was saying. She could see the concern in her mother’s eyes, and she could see her lips moving, but that was all.  
Her eyes took in her mother’s youthful face, she was so much younger than she was yesterday, and her room, it was not like she had it before she left for drinks with Ted, no, it was the same room she had during her high school years.  
Pictures of Tegan and herself litter her desk and walls. She felt dizzy suddenly.

Her mother left to get her something to drink, a long with some pain killers and toast for her right away. Once Sara’s color came back she left to give her time to rest.

Sara closed her eyes tight and repeated out loud. “ This is just a dream, this isn’t real, you’re going to wake up any minute.”  
After a while she reached for her phone to see the date and time, of course it was nowhere near Christmas, and the phone itself was the one she had back in high school, everything around her was like it was during that time.

Last night she distinctly remembered falling from the old tree, and she knew what was happening to her had something to do with that. She hit her head, which would explain her hallucinations, still, everything around her was so rich and full of detail.  
Sara walked inside her closet, and went through drawers, everything was so clear. She found ‘The Evil Twin’ shirt in the waste bin, she remembered taking off the shirt that one day and throwing it away. It was all because of that shirt that she found out about Tegan’s feeling, and made her question their friendship. Sara put two and two together, from what her mother said about Tegan spending the night, and finding the shirt.

Yes, Sara was back to that day after the party where she treated Tegan horribly. She always regretted that night-always.

It took her the weekend to finally get used to what was happening to her. She thought for a minute that maybe she imagined the last eight years of her life, but there was no way in hell she imagined eight years in great detail. No, Sara could not make up being married; she remembered all of it, the ceremony, her mother’s tears, and her fathers comforting smile. She remembered Jessica in her white dress and the look on her face when they were united. She was so happy that Sara’s heart skipped a beat remembering it. However, she also remembered her wife’s face when she told Sara she would not be having a child. The betrayal she felt was astonishing. It had only been two days ago that Jessica broke the news to her, those thoughts were still fresh in her mind. Yes, the pain was real, that life was real. Where she was now-was not.

She read an article once of two different men who woke up from long term comas. The first guy thought he had kept living his life as if nothing had happened, completely unaware of the accident he was in. The other, had actually thought he relived his whole life over again up until the accident that caused his coma. So, when he got into his car and seen himself about to get in the accident that caused his coma, he woke up.

The doctor, in the article she read, explained that sometimes the brain did things to help them cope with things they did not understand had happened to them.

It struck Sara odd that of all the times to wake up to, it would be the weekend she and Tegan ended their friendship. She wondered if she fixed things with Tegan that maybe she would wake up, that maybe her subconscious was telling her she needed to make things right with her if she ever wanted to wake up again. It was a far fetched idea, but she did not see the hurt in trying, especially since she had no other answers.

When Monday came, Sara went to the table Tegan always sat at before classes, and waited for her. When she did not show, she went off to find her. It took some time, but she finally found her in the library with Jeremy. They were both talking causally, but when he reached over to play with the strings on Tegan’s hoodie and she smiled shyly in reply. Sara’s eyes slit, “That mother fucker.” she whispered.  
She walked up to the table ready for Tegan to reject her. She knew how Tegan could be when she was upset, after all these years she still remembered her friend.

Jeremy was the first to see her, he said something to Tegan that made her begin to quickly put her books away. Sara looked around and remembered there were only two ways out of the library and one of them was a fire exit. She hurried to the only other exit and waited for her.  
“ Tegan I-” Sara stalled, she was surprised at just how great she looked. She never really noticed how pretty Tegan was. “ Yeah?” Tegan asked clearly irritated. “I uh, I need to talk to you.” She said suddenly nervous, as she blocked her exit. Tegan asked her to move, and Jeremy smiled behind her. Sara wanted to punch him.  
Sara shook her head, she wanted to apologize and there was nothing Tegan could do about it. “ Sara I’m serious.” Tegan warned, but Sara crossed her arms, “ So am I.” Tegan threw her bag pack around her shoulder. “ Fine! What do you want.”  
“ I want to talk to you privately, we can go to my house, my mums not home.”  
“ Tegan has class Sara.”  
Sara looked over to Jeremy. “ We need to talk Jeremy, you’re not stopping me from talking to her this time.” Tegan looked at Jeremy with creased brows, and he looked away. When Tegan agreed, he huffed, but asked Tegan to think about what they talked about. She blushed a little, and Sara rolled her eyes. When he walked away Sara called him a dick under her breath, but Tegan heard anyway. “What’s your problem with Jeremy all the sudden? ” Sara shook her head, she knew what he wanted her to think about, and that was the problem. “Nothing." She lied, "Let’s go before someone sees us.”

When they got to Sara’s place, they went to her room, and Sara wasted no time apologizing. “The other night I was such a thoughtless drunk ass, I’m sorry for what I said to you. I didn’t mean any of it I swear.”  
“ Why did you say it then?” Tegan was looking to her hands on her laps, she was nervously toying with her nails.  
“Tiffany explained why you didn’t like my shirt.” Tegan did not seem worried about it until Sara continued on. “I know you have feelings for me Tegan.” Tegan’s head shot up with a force. She looked frightened.  
Sara drew on a concerned face. “Tegan oh my God, your really scared aren’t you?” Tegan eyes watered and she looked back down to her lap. “So you were being mean last night because you found out how I feel about you, that’s really hurtful Sara.”  
She sat carefully next to her troubled friend, and drew in fresh air to her lungs. She decided to tell Tegan what she realized many years later as to why she did the things she had done.  
“I was scared. It’s that simple. I didn’t want to lose my best friend.” Sara swayed her head to one side, her eyes suddenly stung. “ But I ended up losing you anyway. I should have just talked to you, and been careful with your feelings. I knew you’ve always been a little sensitive. Instead I pushed you away, and let some guy take you away from me.”  
Saying everything out loud was a relief, and it felt good. So she continued. “Every now and then I wonder what would have happened if I had just told Jeremy to fuck off, and ran after you that night, or if I just wasn’t such a dick and talked things out. I think my life would be so different than its been.” Sara looked at Tegan, and position herself on the bed so that they were now facing each other. “To be honest with myself, I know it would have been so much better.” Sara stared off, “Maybe that’s why I’m here now.”  
Tegan sniffed then Tegan laughed a little. “Sara you’re not making any sense, you haven’t lost me, it was just a stupid fight, and what guy? Jeremy? He knows how I feel about you. He was probably just worried about me.” Sara did not like how Tegan was so easy to dismiss his role in all of this, and justify his actions. Sara almost went on a rant, but this was not about him, it was about them-fixing their friendship.  
It was Tegan’s turn to breathe deeply. “I don’t know when it happened. I wasn’t expecting my feelings to become romantic-trust me, its like I just woke up one day and had to be around you suddenly.” Tegan’s watery eyes and big smile were such a beautiful contradiction to Sara. It made her heart flutter to see Tegan that way.  
“Its like I had to see you, I had to talk to you. You became my favorite thing in the world.” Then, her eyes began to slowly lose their spark. “You telling people we were twins suddenly wasn’t fun any more. It became this constant reminder of how you didn’t see me the same way I saw you.” Tegan dried her eyes and nodded her head, before smiling again. “You’re my best friend Sara, and I care about that part of us. I won’t walk away and abandon you because you don’t feel the same way I do. Yeah it’s going to hurt, but I’ll deal with it. At least we’ll still be friends, I don’t think I could manage without you in my life.”  
Sara’s heart melted; Tegan was amazing, not only was she willing to forgive her for the terrible things she had said and done to her, Tegan still wanted to be part of her life even if she was heart broken.  
Sara hugged her, and whispered to her. “Thank you, you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known.” Sara loved the way it felt to have Tegan so close to her. Her scent was comforting, and holding her felt so peaceful and warm.

Before Sara knew what she was doing it was already too late, but certainly nothing to regret. The taste of Tegan’s tear stained lips had her gasp at the connection. She quickly palmed Tegan’s nape to bring her closer, and to make sure she could not escape her.  
With a delicate slide of her tongue across Tegan’s bottom lip, she asked for more of her. Sara was so thankful that Tegan let her inside. She had not expected her best friend to taste so fantastic, she moaned in response to the flavor being projected from Tegan's mouth.  
When Sara’s other hand began to make its way up Tegan’s shirt, she stopped her. Sara pulled away from the kiss, and clamped her jaw shut. She buried her head in Tegan’s neck. She wanted her so badly she felt her entrance ache. Tegan instantly apologize. “Sorry, I-I uh, I’m not really-”  
Sara kissed Tegan’s neck before pulling away, and began to play with Tegan’s shirt hem. She was too embarrassed by her actions to look Tegan fully in the eyes. “No, its okay, it was me. I wasn’t expecting you to-” Sara cleared her throat, she did not want to tell Tegan how tuned on she was, or how she still wanted to touch her. “Sorry.” Was all Sara could say, but she knew by Tegan’s new confident smile, that she knew what she had done to her.  
Sara wanted to comment on Tegan not getting a big head, but she suddenly became extremely tired. She lied down on her bed and asked Tegan in a tired voice to stay with her until she woke up.

Later that afternoon Sara woke with Tegan lying beside her with a thoughtful expression. Sara wasted no time connecting their lips together. She chose not to enter her warm-soft mouth, she did not trust herself fully to back off as they both lied in her bed.  
Tegan was playing with Sara’s finger tips when Sara asked what Jeremy wanted her to think about, even if she already knew the answer. Tegan was honest and told Sara he wanted to take her out on a date.  
Sara sighed and looked at the ceiling. “Nice, and where are you going on this date?” She made small quotation marks into the air when she said “ Date”. Her jealousy towards him hid Tegan’s confession from her mind, making her sarcastic and moody.  
“Why would I go out with Jeremey when I have you?” Tegan said in bewilderment. She looked to Sara and sat up suddenly, her eyes not leave Sara. She looked anxious. “I do have you right?” Sara felt a pang in her chest. She did, that moment, this place she did, but not in reality. She pulled Tegan on top of her. “You do. Even if I wake up tomorrow, and we’re eight years older and you hate me, you will I promise, still have me.” Tegan smiled and kissed Sara despite her odd response.

It had been a week since the party. Tegan declined going out with Jeremy; he sulked, and Sara felt victorious. Tegan called her a mean girl, but then told her it was okay since she was so cute.

A month later Tegan and Sara were still a couple, and she was the happiest she had ever been. Things with Tegan were so much better than before. Being closer to her opened new doors Sara had never known by just being her friend. Tegan told, and did things that made her feel special, Sara had not known this side of Tegan, and she loved it.  
It was the side only girls loved by Tegan got to see, got to experience. She was jealous of those girls before her, she was always jealous when it came to Tegan, she understood that now, and she accepted that. Sara was never that way with any of the girls she dated in the past.  
Sara realized with Tegan, that she was a bit possessive. It definitely would explain her dislike for Jeremy, and not wanting to know how Tegan was doing in her life since the two had stopped speaking. Sara hated not being part of Tegan’s life, while so many others had the privilege.

“Sara! Hey come here for a minute. ” Sara turned and noticed Terry leaning against one of the rails on the wheel chair access ramp. Sara did not want to talk to her, she was running late meeting Tegan. Her last period she helped a teacher take some books to the library. She really had to go. “Come here, I just need to ask you something.”  
Sara did not want to, she hated her. One night after a party she had drunk sex with Terry, then afterwards Terry gloated about how she could not wait to tell Tegan they slept together. Sara wanted to fucking choke her, instead she went home and never spoke to her again. Terry chased her for a while before finally giving up.  
Sara asked Terry what she wanted, what ever it was she knew she was not interested. “I want to invite you to a party tonight. It’s going to be great. You know some of the people there, and you know me pretty well.” Terry pulled Sara by her open jacket and brought her close. “We got to know each other a little a while back, tomorrow night we can know a lot more of one another.”  
Sara knew right away what would happen-hell it did happen. Sara hated herself for being so stupid. She was just about to push Terry away when she noticed her eyes focused on something behind her. Sara turned around to see what had caught Terry’s attention.  
Sara watched as Tegan tried to keep herself collected. She was not expecting the sight before her. Tegan looked furious, she had never seen her like that before.  
Sara pulled her jacket away and walked over to Tegan, she clasped their hands together tightly, and started them on walking away. She felt Tegan hesitate, and looked up to see her starting daggers at Terry. “ Wait are you two seriously dating?” Terry laughed and Sara felt herself fuming. “ Sara come over tomorrow night, I’ll show you a good time honey.”  
Sara pulled Tegan by the arm and guided them away from the girl who continued to laugh as they walked away.  
In Tegan’s car they sat in silence, Tegan was upset, and Sara did not know what she should say to make it better. “ Why did you let her touch you like that?” Sara was thrown off for a second, Tegan was really angry. “ I wasn’t letting her do any-”  
“ It didn’t look that way to me.” Tegan said shortly  
“ I can’t believe you, Tegan I didn’t let her do anything.” Sara protested. “I literally just walked up to her before you were there, she took hold of my jacket for a second, I was about to push her away.”  
Tegan did not say anything further, she just started the car and drove Sara to her house. Sara stayed in the car when she realized Tegan did not turn off her car, and made no hint of getting out either.  
“ You’re not staying?”  
“ I have a few things to take care of.” Sara stared at Tegan, she was becoming angry now. “Tegan, nothing happened."  
“ You kissed her, you made out with her right in front of me.” Tegan was not so much angry as she was jealous. Sara bit her lip to contain her smile. Something about a jealous Tegan became so appealing to her.  
“ Why are you smiling? Sara this isn’t funny.”  
“ It is, you’re cute when you’re jealous.” Tegan could not deny that she was not jealous. “ Park down the street a little.” Tegan hesitated, but did as she said. Sara quickly jumped in the back seat of Tegan’s car. “ Come back here with me, I want to make out so hard with you right now.” Tegan hesitated again, but soon she smiled and did as Sara asked.  
Sara wasted no time at all connecting their lips. She pulled Tegan on top of her and brought one of Tegan’s hands to her breast. She moaned at the touch. As many times as they’ve made out Sara found it hard to believe how much her body loved Tegan. It woke up to every touch she gave her body. “I love you.” she said after breaking their kiss. 

Sara had wanted to tell Tegan so many times how she felt, but never found the right time to say so; until this moment.

Tegan froze as Sara slid her thumb across her cheek. “I really do love you.”

A month after that Tegan was still her girlfriend, and the two still had not done more than kiss. Every time they would make out heavily Sara felt weak, it made her worry about what would happen if they actually slept together.  
They had been close a few times, but Tegan always held back. Sara had to take care of herself on a few occasions. She had never felt so sexually frustrated in her life. Tegan was driving her crazy, but Sara had to remind herself that Tegan was not as experienced as she was. That this Tegan was just months away from being eighteen, not twenty-eight.  
She knew Tegan was not a virgin; she heard all about the things she did with her first, and second girlfriend. She mainly worried what she would do to Tegan when she had her. Sara was not naive in the bedroom, she knew what she was doing, unfortunately she had to sleep around to gain that experience.

“ Are you okay?” Sara looked away from the old tree she had fallen from. “ Yeah, just you know, thinking.” Sara did not know why, but something about today felt off. It was hard for her to keep a thought in her head, and she was sure she had heard things that were not real.

It started when she woke that morning, she dreamed that her mother had been crying and telling her to wake up, that everyone loved her, and how they would be there when she opened her eyes.  
She had gone out to look at the tree after she woke up, but became frightened. She went back inside, and watched it from the door of her kitchen. She was scared that she might find the blade stuck in the tree by her and Tegan’s initials, and wake up from this world Tegan-less.

Sara’s parents had gone out, so she invited Tegan over. She knew that this would be the last time she would be able to be with her. “ Are you okay?” Tegan asked. Sara nods her head and reached out for Tegan’s hand. She looked at their connection, and began to walk to her bedroom. She closed the door, and locked it. Tegan looked nervous, but Sara knew she was excited. “ I want you Tegan.”

Tegan unable to speak only nods.

Sara was careful with her, and she loved her body with all she had. When it was over, Sara had fallen so much more in love with Tegan. She loved her more than she had loved anyone at that moment, including the woman she married.

Sara let the first of many tears fall from her tired eyes. “ I really fucked up.” Tegan looked over to her. “ What are you talking about you were great, beyond great. Tonight was the best night of my life.” Sara began to cry at her words. “ Why are you crying?” Sara wiped her eyes. “ It should have been you. All this time- I should have married you.” Tegan made Sara face her. “ You say strange things sometimes.”  
Sara kissed her, and hoped, that when she woke up, everything she felt these last few months would not be lost like so many dreams had been in the past; she had to remember this.

“ I have to tell you something.”

Sara told Tegan her story. She knew tonight was going to be the last night in this world around her. She could feel reality pulling her away; it was faint, but it was there.  
Tegan listened and did not say a word, or try to interrupt. When she spoke about their fight, Jeremy, the two not speaking any more, college, Tegan’s hold on her would increase. Her heart however beat wildly in her chest at the mention of Sara’s marriage. She could feel it. When she was done, Tegan was quiet, and for a minute Sara was worried she hurt her feelings.

“ I don’t know if what you said is true, but I wonder if I’m dreaming too.” Sara’s heart hurt, it stung.  
Tegan made Sara look deep into her eyes. “You love me.” Sara smiled, and agreed. “ I do.” Tegan continued, “ Then tell me how you feel. If you wake up and I’m gone, and you’re in some hospital- find me, tell me you love me. ”  
Sara was not sure if she could. Sure she had gone to Tegan in the library that one day, but this was different. At the time she wanted to wake up- to go home. She had not intended falling in love with Tegan, her love was too far buried underneath jealousy, regret, and anger. Somehow Tegan’s love washed all that away and she was able to finally see what her heart wanted all that time.  
She wanted to stay where she was and never wake up. 

“ I know your scared, I can see it in your eyes. You don’t have anything to worry about.” Tegan kissed her softly, “ I know myself Sara, I can’t- not love you. ” Tegan put Sara’s hand over her heart. “ I promise this belongs to only you.”

Sara’s eyes felt uncontrollably heavy, she wanted to stay awake, she did not want tonight to end. She heard Tegan whisper into her ear that it was okay to wake up, that she would be waiting for her. “ Can we have a baby if I tell you how I feel?” Sara asked in a sleepy voice. She could hear Tegan’s laugh vibrate through her chest, and it warmed her heart. Then Tegan said something that made Sara hum and tighten her grip around her. She had to remember her words, she begged herself to remember.


	3. Chapter 3

" I'm sorry doctor I don't follow, confabulation?"

" It really is nothing to worry about Mrs. Quin, it's actually quite common in conditions such as your daughters. Confabulation is a memory disturbance, people seem to fabricate, distort or misinterpret memories about themselves. Their memories are incorrect, and some fabrications can be subtle or bizarre. They're not trying to deceive anyone mind you, they're just confused."  
" How are you sure she has this con-con-" Sonia shakes her head, she is tired and in need of sleep.  
" Confabulation, well, aside from thinking she's seventeen, and still in school, she has no memory of her wife and doesn't understand why you or your husband have aged.  
The important thing to focus on is that she's awake and the test we took look very, very good. Just give her time, most people work things out in a few weeks, till then, be patient with her. Expect anger, frustration, depression, but don't worry those are good signs. It means she's getting better."  
" How is depression better?"  
" Imagine living a life you thought was real, then one day you wake up and realize it was all a dream."

When Sara woke, she found that she had been out for only three days; she hit her head and suffered hyperthermia. Her heart stopped on her way to the hospital, but they were able to revive her. Luckily for Sara, her father had gone downstairs for a midnight snack and noticed the kitchen door open. He found her and immediately called for help.

" Mum, can you please just call Tegan, I need to see her it's important." Sara had been asking her mother to contact her for days, and now Sara was all but pleading with her.  
" Sara, I told you that wasn't a good idea. You're here now because of her."  
Sonia was a rational woman, and she loved Tegan, but her daughter almost died, and she was still not well.  
" Tegan didn't do this to me, it was an accident."  
" Do you remember why you were climbing that tree?" Sonia said matter-of-factly.  
Sara's eyebrows rippled, as she raised her voice in anger." No, but I know she didn't push me off the fucking thing."  
" She might as well have." Sonia said harshly before exiting the room.

The authorities along with Sonia and her husband had all reached the same conclusion as to what Sara was doing the night of her accident. The knife blade stuck in the tree between her daughter and Tegan's initials said it all. The handle found in Sara's palm, and the whiskey bottle were all proof that Sara was drunk and trying rid the tree of the pairs name.

When Sonia left the room in frustration, the pretty woman Jessica, whom Sara was unfamiliar with, but always stayed in her room came over and sat next to her.  
" I know you're angry Sara, but you shouldn't take it out on your mother, she's only trying to do what's best for you. "  
Sara shook her head, " If she were, she’d call Tegan, she's probably worried sick." Sara let her neck relax and her head fell on the pillow. " I just want her to know that I'm okay."  
Sara sat up when she believed that she had found another solution. " Hey, Jessica right?" When the woman nods, Sara continues. " Can you call Tegan for me? You have a phone, I've seen it."  
Jessica frowned." I do have Medical Power of Attorney, so I guess I could also decide who you can and cannot see. I'll talk to Sonia, I'll try to get her to change her mind."  
Sara barely had time to ask herself why this woman had Power of Attorney over her before the woman put her hand on Sara's. She was suddenly very nervous, but then she looked down at their hands and noticed the woman's wedding ring.  
Sara had an image of herself sliding the ring onto the stranger's finger. She pulled her hand away in fear and looked at Jessica confused. However, the pretty woman noticed a spark of familiarity behind Sara's light brown eyes that made her feel for the first time in days relieved.  
" Do you, remember me Sara?" she asked carefully, and with pouting lips, Sara nodded.

Traveling back to Montreal was out of the question, so, she and Jessica stayed in Vancouver with Sara's parents until she was well enough to fly. Not until Sara was no longer confused about her surroundings or the people she knew, would they let her go home.  
Sara spent most of her time alone on the deck of her parents back yard. Her mother worried the accident had more of an impact on her than the doctors had anticipated. However, Sara was just trying to understand what had happened to her. She could not do that with her wife, mother, and father hovering around. She wanted time to think, and collect her thoughts.  
She no longer asked for Tegan when she remembered who Jessica had been. Not because it was the right thing to do, however, but simply because she could not bare facing Tegan as a married woman.  
The memory of her wife and wedding shook the very ground beneath her. It made no sense to her. Sara did not understand how she could have married someone other than her best friend. Tegan was the one, she was certain.

Then like the memory of her wife had come, so did everything else.

Sara was sitting with her family watching television when she started to recall things from her past. It was subtle at first, but soon became so intense that she had a panic attack. Afterwards, she felt a deep sense of loss, and that feeling followed her many days after.

It had been over a week since then. Sara was feeling much better than she had since the accident and she was thankful to her wife for being patient with her. She was standoffish with Jessica in the beginning, and Sara knew that normally her wife would have walked away, or left Sara to deal with whatever she was going through. Yet, she stuck around. She put up with Sara's bad moods and listened to her worries. Sara was seeing again the woman she had fallen for back in college, and it was refreshing. Still, she could not stop the feelings of remorse she had towards Jessica for backing out of having a family.

" Sara, I don't remember you ever mentioning anyone named Tegan before, who is she?" It was a question that had been on Jessica's mind since Sara woke up asking for her. Normally Jessica would not have asked, but she and Sara were doing well, and she felt comfortable enough now to ask.  
Sara smiled as she looked off into the distance. " She was the twin." She laughed and pulled the cover she had around her tighter. " She hated when I said that, but I did it anyway because I, well, I was the evil one of the two."  
" I don't follow," Jessica said with her own smile. She had not heard Sara laugh in so long and it made her happy to see her doing so.  
" She was my best friend. People thought we looked alike, but we were just two short lesbians who shared each others clothes. Well, we did sometimes have the same hairstyle."  
" What happened? I mean I don't remember a Tegan at the wedding. Or did she come and I-"  
" She wasn't there," Sara said softly.  
Jessica stared at her wife's profile, she knew not to push the subject further, but she wanted to know, Tegan seemed to be some mysterious person no one wanted to talk about. She tried asking Sonia once, but she changed the subject. She still blamed her for Sara's accident.  
" What happened between you two?" she asked knowing she would probably not get an honest answer, and when Sara fell quiet she was not surprised.  
" I broke her heart," Sara stated with an unsteady breath. " I didn't see it honestly, I never noticed the way she looked at me, or the way she treated me. I just thought we were like sisters. Which I'm sure you understand why she hated me calling her my twin. She wanted me to see her in another light and at the time, I couldn't."  
Jessica stared at her wife, Sara never brought up ex-girlfriends. She had asked when they first started seeing each other, but Sara would tell her to leave the past where it belonged.  
" Then I was replaced by some guy. I was mean and mad and a total fucking bitch about it. "   
Sara faced her wife, she looked tired suddenly.  
" I was so fucking jealous- I admit that now. Seeing them together in any setting made me angry, and moody. I hated them-I hated her for making me feel that way. But Tegan being Tegan, she tried to fix it, fix us, but it was too late. I felt too wronged and sorry for myself.  
The night of my accident she tried again, and of course, I made her cry- after all this time, I'm still hurting her."  
Sara had to pause, her voice was strangled due to the lump in her throat, she took a few deep breaths and began again.   
" After I graduated, I never wanted to see her again. I would change the subject or walk away anytime someone so much as mentioned Tegan Rain. Mum was the main one, she adores her, now I don't know, she blames her now. After this, she'll probably treat Tegan the way I have. Which is total fucking bullshit. She doesn't deserve that, all she did that night was try to make things right."  
Jessica was not used to Sara opening up the way she had now, she was always an in the moment type of person. Nothing phased her, and now seeing her there with red and watering eyes over someone who was not her made her heart sink.  
" You know when I was out for those few days, I actually thought she and I were together. That we started over. I know this sounds crazy, but I...I honestly felt what it was like to love her."  
Sara laughed and sniffed, " What kind of person tells their wife their in love with someone else. You were right to not want children with me, I would have probably ended up one of those mothers who loved their children only when they were babies and needed them. In the end, they would have ended up resenting me, hating me." Sara wiped the tears from her eyes. " Just like Tegan."

Sara may not have realized that she confessed to loving someone else, but it pierced through Jessica's eardrums and heart. She willed herself not to cry, and as she sat on the deck with her wife quietly, she let everything sink in. Not just Sara's accident, but the reason Sara had been in Vancouver in the first place. She told Sara she had not wanted children and she ran to her mothers for comfort. Sara was not the only one who hurt people.  
Sara's honesty, combined with the guilt of the child she dangled in front of Sara- only to take away later made everything clear. She knew what she had to do. It had been something she contemplated for months but was too scared to go through with it. She had to stop being selfish and do what was right for the both of them. She was not completely confident in her decision, but she knew it was the right thing to do.  
" Sara, none of those things are true, you would have been a great mother." Jessica held her wife's hand and saw the same expression on Sara's face when she told her a few weeks ago that she did not want children. Jessica could not bare it.  
" No, you will be a great mother."

Nine months later...  
" You need to be here Sara, there's no way in hell I'm doing this alone." Sara laughed, she could picture Jessica at the moment in her hospital gown, horrified by the design.   
" I am, I told you I'm on my way. How are you feeling otherwise?"  
Jessica sighed, " Nervous, but I'm okay, can you please just get here soon."  
After assuring Jessica she would be, Sara hung up, and within ten minutes she was in the nervous woman's room. Eyes watering Jessica waved Sara over. " I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe I let you talk me into this. I hate you so much right now."  
Sara smiled and shook her head. So many things made sense over the last week as to why Jessica feared pregnancy in the past. She did not do well in stressful situations, and hospital visits were nail biters for her. Last night Jessica cried for hours, Sara had to hold her till she fell asleep. Yes, Sara understood completely.  
" Jess, you're going to be fine, no one has died from removing their tonsils. You know the only reason I pushed you to do the surgery was because you go through hell when you're sick, this will be so much better for you in the long run."  
Jessica smiled, Sara was calming her down. " Okay, you're right, your right, I'll be fine. Now help me take my mind off of things, how are you? Are you dating?"

When Sara and Jessica returned home, Jessica waited a few weeks to tell Sara they should separate. She was not cruel enough to keep Sara in a marriage where she would not only be childless but also one of mere affection for one another.  
Back in Vancouver Sara opened up more about Tegan and Jessica became suspicious as to whether the two were just friends during that whole time. She fought with it being due to confabulation. It was supposed to only last a few weeks, but now almost a year later Sara was still in love with Tegan. Jessica did not understand how Sara could suddenly be in love with someone, but then she realized that Sara must have always felt that way. That the accident only reminded her of her feelings.  
It hurt Jessica to see Sara light up whenever she talked about Tegan. She herself only ever really got smiles and appropriate gestures of love, or, at least, she thought so. Ending their marriage at the time hurt, but now she could see it was for the best.

" No, there's no one. Works keeping me busy anyway." 

" What about Tegan, have you thought-"  
Sara frowned and tried to pull her hand away, but Jessica only held it tighter.  
" Sara, it's been almost a year, you can't continue believing that what you feel is just some side effect of your accident and you know it."  
Sara groaned, she was tired of Jessica doing this to her. She had been bringing Tegan up more and more as of late, and it was driving her crazy.  
" What do you want me to do Jess?" Sara pulled her hand away and turned away.  
Shaking her head she turned back to her ex-wife." Say I go to Vancouver and apologize, let's say by some crazy chance she forgives me, then what? I fly back here, and I call her from time to time, you know, check in on the old friend and maybe see her again during holidays."  
Jessica sighed, she could not understand what Sara was so afraid of.  
" Sara, do you even get why you don't like that scenario?" She does not give her ex-wife the chance to think about it. " Its because you want more than that. You want her to be part of your life. It's okay to want that, that's how love is."  
Sara sat on the chair next to her bed. She is wiping unshed tears as she tries to calm her breathing.  
" She hates me, I can't go back and fix this. I really can't, it's too late."  
Jessica did not push the conversation as the nurses came to ready her for surgery. She was no longer nervous, she was too worried about Sara to care.

A few days later Sara had been sitting on a park bench when a woman asked if she could share her seat.  
Sara did not look up from her paper, but she did move over a little. She liked the spot she was in, the bench was far enough for her to comfortably observe and hear children playing in the distance.  
" I see you here often, do you work or live around here?"  
Sara looked at the woman next to her. She was very attractive, with light brown hair, blue eyes, and friendly smile.  
" Yeah, I uh, I live a block down. You?" she asked bringing her coffee to her lips. " No, well yeah, I'm here for work, I'm staying across the street. That building there." she said while pointing to a light brown brick layered building. " I'm here in place of my boss, she decided last minute not to come. I've been here almost a month, and I love it. She doesn't know what she's missing."

Sara and the woman whom later introduced herself as Emy began meeting each other regularly. They usually just had coffee, as they enjoyed the environment. It was nice to have someone to sit and have lite conversations with here and there. Emy was a sweet woman and was also from her hometown of Vancouver. She was teaching at the art building as a guest.

" So this is your last week here aye."  
Emy smiled at Sara. " Yeah, I'm going to miss it though, it's such a great place, but there's no place like home, am I right. Listen, the next time you're in town you should look me up." Emy pulled out her wallet. " You can come by my office and see what I do there, my boss is great, so it won't be a problem."  
" What is it that you do again? I mean I know you're here teaching a class, but I never really asked." Emy pulled out one of her business cards and handed it to her. " I'm one of a few graphic designers, we do everything; Skateboards, t-shirts, album covers, billboards. I love it."  
Sara smiled at Emy's enthusiasm. They never really talked about what they did for a living.  
When Sara looked down to the card handed to her, her smile faded. She was trying to piece together the information she read, even if it were just a few words, they spoke volumes. It could mean nothing, but Sara did not think so. Emy continued to speak, but Sara did not hear a word. She interrupted her by cautiously asking if she knew someone named Tegan Rain.  
" You know Tegan? Well yeah, she's my boss."

Later that night while lying in her bed, Sara's mind raced. What were the chances? She looked at the business card hovering over her and smiled. 'Evil Twin Graphics and Design' was written in bold red, and green shiny lettering. Sara smiled, this was bigger than herself, and she knew it. She could no longer deny what all this meant or what she felt, especially now.

Smiling she recited words that come to her suddenly. She did not remember where she heard them, only knowing she had every intention of doing what the words said.

“ Find me, tell me how you feel, tell me you love me."


	4. Chapter 4

It took a lot of effort on Jeremy's part to get Tegan out of the house to meet him.

He found out she canceled her date and he was eager to know why. He honestly could not think of a reason she would.  
Jeremy spotted Tegan's small frame and walked over to her quickly.  
" Okay bitch, spill it." He asked playfully before seeing the grim look on his friend's face. He visibly deflated before asking her what had happened. Whatever it was could not be good, Tegan was hardly upset these days.  
Tegan shook her head. " Trust me, there's really nothing I want to repeat that you want to hear."  
Her statement made him curious. " Well, you're going to have to talk about it eventually."  
Knowing it was a bad idea Tegan was hesitant to say anything, but he was right, she would have to talk about it eventually.

Tegan was supposed to be on a date with none other than Terry Clark. Despite all that had happened between them in the past Terry had grown up and turned out to be a pretty decent human being. She ran into Terry at a mutual friends get together. They talked all night and at one point Terry admitted to having a crush on her in school; which she explained had been the reason she picked on Tegan so much in the first place.  
Unfortunately for Terry, while choosing a bottle of wine for their date that evening, Tegan ran into Sonia Quin. The two had not spoke in over a year, not since her fight with Sara. Tegan assumed it was because Sonia was disappointed in her for upsetting her daughter, to which Tegan did not care about anymore.  
Usually, the two would pretend to not see the other when they were in the same place at the same time.  
However, that day was different, Sonia walked straight up to Tegan and apologized for her behavior. Tegan did not care to hear anything Sonia had to say, but then she told her about Sara.  
Knowing that she would not be able to sit down and give Terry the attention she deserved, Tegan called and canceled. She apologized over the phone, but Terry was too hurt to respond and simply hung up on her. Tegan felt absolutely horrible, and she made it a point to tell Jeremy that.

As expected, Jeremey was angry. He practically shook his head the whole time she spoke.  
" Why would she tell you that shit now? " he huffed. " And let me guess, you feel guilty now because you feel like you're to blame. Well, let me tell you something; your not. Fuck those people Tegan."  
Tegan rubbed her temple, he was not helping her at all, he was just making things worse.  
" It's not about guilt. It's about knowing she could have died." Tegan's voice broke when she said those words and she looked away quickly to avoid his stare.  
He tried to keep calm, but the very subject of Sara Quin made his blood boil. Especially by the effect she had on Tegan. He hated that more than the woman herself.  
" Why do you care so much? She has nothing to do with you anymore Tegan. Don't you think it's time you move-the-fuck-on already."  
Tegan stared at him. She was not stunned by his harsh words or his clearly irritated deposition. His behavior was exactly why she did not want to tell him anything in the first place.

The last time she spoke about Sara he threw a fit and cursed Sara's name repeatedly. Yes, she was the one that came to him visibly upset the night of Sara's accident, but she was hurt and needed to talk to someone.  
" I'm sorry. I know I'm being a dick, but I just wish you would stop with this shit already. Tegan I don't fucking understand. I've never understood, she's awful. She was nothing more than a spoiled brat who just had to be the center of your attention and you know it. Honestly, when are you going to see her for the sorry son-of-a-bitch that she is?"  
Tegan was losing her cool. She did not have to sit there and listen to him trash talk Sara, especially after finding out that she almost died.  
" I didn't' tell you what happen so that you could bash her okay. She was my best friend and there for me during an important time of my life. She was my first real friend. I love-" Tegan could feel the pressure in her throat, but she was not going to cry. " She almost died okay, give her a break."

If asked what it was that drove, Jeremy to do and say the things he had that night, he would not be able to tell you. However, Tegan admitting after all that time that she was still in love with Sara definitely triggered something.

" Give her a break?" Jeremy raised his eyebrows as he questioned Tegan. She could see he was taken aback and somehow offended. He then began to take on a matter-of-fact tone with her.  
" You want me to give her a break. Do I have to remind you of all the shit she's done to you? She made out with, then later slept with Terry to piss you off. She stopped being friends with you because she didn't want to apologize for being a bitch. She changed schools because she didn't want to be around you, Jesus fucking Christ Tegan who does that? She all but ran when she found out you had feelings for her. Yeah, she's great, you sure know how the hell to pick em' don't you. And so she almost died, big fucking deal. Honestly, it's a shame she didn't."

The air around them is thick. Tegan's eyes are red and he can see that she is trying to keep her composer. He hurt her and he knew it. He regrets saying those hurtful things, but he refuses to be like Sara, he is going to apologize straight away.  
" Tegan-," he said softly but Tegan stopped him when she shook her head, his eyes followed a tear sliding down her cheek until she wiped it away.  
" You didn't know the Sara I did." Her voice was strained when she spoke, but she went on. " You wouldn't be saying those things if you did, you might of even love her too.  
She isn't the only one to blame. I'm was just as bad a she was, if not worse."  
Jeremy sat back in his chair, he was familiar with this part, he hated when she blamed herself, she always did, but he believed wholeheartedly that she had nothing to be sorry for, or so he thought.  
" I think she did those things because she was hurt. I saw how bothered she was when she found out about our date and I'll share a little secret with you, it really made me feel good."  
Tegan shook her head and even smiled a little.  
" It made me feel really good. I mean fuck her for embarrassing me in front of all our friends.  
So yeah, dating you seem like just the thing to get back at her, hell if I knew Terry liked me back then I probably would have fucked her first. I mean think about it, why do you think I never slept with you, Jeremy."

Jeremy left without saying a word.

Tegan stared at the drink she had only had a few sips of, the small remnants of what used to be large ice cubes floated in the glass making it unappealing, so she pushed it away.  
Knowing her night could not get any more fucked up than it had been, she decides to leave.

Unbeknownst to Tegan however, her night was about to get a lot worse.

When Jeremy walked out of the bar he lit a cigarette to calm his nerves. If he did not already hate Sara, he did now. He refused to believe that Tegan had used him, he chalked up her confession as a lie to get back at him for saying the things he did. Even if he knew in the back of his head that Tegan never lied; he refused to believe her now, especially about that.  
He was having an internal battle with himself when a small figure passed him by and continued to the bar entrance. Of all the people that could have walked by that moment, it had to be her.  
He ran towards her, wanting to give her a piece of his mind. To him, Sara Quin was in the wrong place at the right time.  
He took hold of her arm before she could enter the bar and pulled her away far from the entrance. " I don't know what the hell you're doing here, but Tegan's in there and she doesn't need to see your sorry ass right now."  
Sara was frightened by the sudden hold on her and violent undertone in the guys speech but calmed down somewhat at seeing it had been Jeremy.  
Contrary to what he felt for her at that moment, Sara did not dislike him anymore. She was done with all the jealousy and hate. She knew he was only trying to protect Tegan, that he cared for her, she even thought he had every right to hate her, however, that did not mean Sara did not still have her own bone to pick. She jerked her arm away from him but kept eye contact.  
" You came between us before, and I understand why you did, but don't think I'll let that happen again."  
Jeremy was not prepared, he was confused, surely she was not there specifically fo Tegan. He simply would not allow it.  
Narrowing his eyes he walked over to her carefully. He towered over her small frame to intimidate her and it did work, she knew he could see it in her eyes, but Sara stood her ground, there was nothing he could do to stop her from seeing Tegan.  
" Is that right. Well, I got news for you, she can't fucking stand you. "  
Jeremy smiled when he saw the reaction his words had on her. He got to her and he felt a small victory because of it.  
Sara, however, shook her head " I refuse to believe that, and if it is true I want to hear it from her." Sara turned back to the bar door, but Jeremy grabbed her jacket by the collar roughly, making her face him.  
She was surprised by the act, but not scared. " Why can't you just leave us alone. Why don't you just fucking disappear."  
He then placed his other hand on her collar and jerked her towards him. He knew internally there was nothing he could do to stop her. His grip on her coat began to tighten at the realization and soon Sara's face began to turn red. He realized what he was doing but before he could stop himself he heard a desperate voice yelling at him to let her go.

Jeremy looked to Tegan who had a horrified expression on her face. Then Sara gasped when his grip from her jacket loosened.  
Tegan was somehow already between them ripping his hands away from her coat and facing the shorter girl. " Sara, oh my God, are you okay?"  
Tegan moved the fringe from her face before sliding her hand between Sara's hair and neck, she then cupped her chin making eye contact.  
" Did he hit you, are you hurt anywhere?" Tegan asked looking for any signs of violence on her face. Sara looked down before shaking her head, she did not want Tegan to see her watering eyes.  
Turning to Jeremy, Tegan studied his face and waited for him to speak. She simply could not believe he would do something so fucked up.  
" What? I wasn't going to hurt her okay." He tried to downplay his actions, but when he looked at Sara with anger still in his eyes. Tegan responded with her own anger.  
" You were hurting her!" Tegan shouted before pushing him as hard as she could. " What the fuck is wrong with you!" She shoved him again.  
" Tegan." Jeremy sighed, he now felt stupid and embarrassed by his actions. " I'm sorry. I-"  
Pointing her finger in his face she told him to stay away from them.  
He watched helplessly as Tegan escorts Sara inside the bar.  
Running his hands through his hair, he was so angry at himself that he pulled his hair violently and cursed. Not because he felt any remorse for what he had done, no.  
It was because he had just given Sara Quin a way back into Tegan's life.


	5. Chapter 5

Tegan set a bottled water in front of Sara before taking the seat across from her.

Quietly reaching for the drink, Sara took a few sips.   
If she were not so in her head that moment, she would have thanked Tegan, but she is trying to make sense of everything that happened. It was so fast, and he was so angry, it did not make sense. He had never been mean to her, sure she thought he was an asshole, but still, she could not think of a time where he was ever violent until now.

After a while, the quiet around them ended when Tegan asked Sara what happened. 

"Your boyfriend’s a dick, that's what happened." She replied finally looking to Tegan.   
Breaking eye contact, Tegan muttered under her breath, that he was not her boyfriend before looking down to her clasped hands.   
“I know, I’m sorry, he’s a lot scarier than I remember though-stronger too."  
Tegan positions herself closer to the table. Covering her mouth with her hands, she releases almost all the air from her lungs before taking a deep breath.  
"You're still the size of a schoolgirl Sare, everyone is stronger than you.” She replied with zero humor. “Listen, I called Ted, he’s just down the road, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be alone. He'll take you home.”  
Sara shook her head, she did not want Ted to take her home, she wanted to be with Tegan. Fucking Jeremy ruined everything all over again, this time however, Sara spoke up about it.   
“That fucking guy, he’s always fucking there.” She said looking to her drink. “He’s like my fucking nemesis I can’t seem to get past.”  
Tegan not fully getting Sara's meaning, offered a solution.   
“Dammit Sara, if you’re ever in a situation like that again-which I hope you never are, for fucks sakes, kick the guy in the balls.”  
Sara could not help but let out a small laugh, she forgotten how amusing Tegan could be, even when she was not trying.

Tegan taking the laugh as a good sign smiled weakly. " Tell me what happened Sara." She asked again, this time with more care.

Sara retold the incident and Tegan listened with head nods and blank stares the whole telling. Sara unintentionally kept eye contact away as she relived the actions that occurred outside of the bar. She fought and won from choking up at the most disturbing moment with Jeremy, but unknowingly to Sara, Tegan still noticed the subtle hints.

" ...Then you came and saved me from being tomorrows headline, seriously, what the hell’s wrong with that guy, he's your bestfriend, what's his problem?

Tegan’s leg began to bop up and down when she realized she was going to have to explain why Jeremy acted out as he did.   
She was going to have to tell the woman across her, that she cancelled a date with another woman because she was sick with guilt over her accident, and how she confessed to Jeremy that she had used him to get back at her. 

It was a conversation Tegan never thought she would have to have. 

“We-Jeremey and I- “

“Sara, hey, are you alright?” Came a worried voice.  
Tegan and Sara both looked up to see Ted, he sat next to Sara and wrapped a caring arm around her. Something Tegan watched with little burst of jealousy spreading up and across her chest.   
“Well, I guess I should be going.” Tegan said as Sara and Ted spoke to one another.   
“Thanks for calling.” Ted said as he stood, Tegan stood as well knowing they were saying their farewells.   
“Next time I see that guy he’s going to have a bad day.” Ted warned “Whatever his problem is with Sara, is mine now. You let him know that the next time you see him.”  
Tegan nodded in response, while looking down to Sara, she noticed a small blush forming on her checks and knew it was from Ted’s overprotective behavior.   
She knew she was in good hands with Ted, but it still hurt to leave. She wanted to be there for Sara, but she reminds herself that Sara had him and her wife to worry over her. That there really was no need for her at all. 

Tegan was able to just make it out of the bar before the tears came.   
She wiped them away hurriedly as she walked quickly to her car. She sat for a moment to compose herself, she took a deep breath and looked into the rear-view mirror to make sure she did not look like she had been crying.   
When she was confident that she was okay to go, she put the key in the ignition and took one last deep breath. Before she could turn the key, she caught sight of Ted and Sara walking away from her. His arm around her protectively.   
Tegan closed her eyes until she was sure they were gone from sight, and when she opened her eyes again, she drove off.

“Tegan?”

Tegan startled back to reality, looked up to see one of her directors leaning in her doorway.   
“Hey Sean, what’s-what’s up?” She asked looking back to her desk, trying to remember what she was working on.   
“Is everything okay, can I get you anything?” He said walking into the room.  
Tegan sat up and shook her head, “No, I’m fine, I was just thinking.”  
“You’ve been kind of out of it all day; you know you can take the rest of the day off. Enjoy the weekend, meetings are done, we’re solid.”   
Tegan shook her head. “Yeah, I don't know, maybe, we'll see.”

After Sean left, Tegan decided to let her lungs get some fresh air by going across the street and grabbing a coffee. She had not really gotten any sleep last night and needed the hot drink to keep her senses.   
As she grabbed her coffee and hurried across the street to get back to work, she almost dropped her drink when she sees Sara and Emy Storey walking out of her building.   
Tegan is frozen as she watches Emy wrap her arms around Sara. Tegan’s legs begin to work again, and her eyes are locked on the two women in front of her.   
Emy seems to notice Tegan’s stare and soon the two are looking at one another. She pulls away from Sara and smiles while saying something Tegan is not able to hear.   
Sara turns and gives her a smile and wave.  
Tegan slows her step as she is now in front of the two. She hesitantly says "Hey."   
"Hey to you." Sara parrots in reply.   
"I uh, didn't know you two knew each other." 

Tegan is looking mostly at Emy as she is trying to wrap her head over this unusual meeting. 

Emy explains how they met in Montreal and Tegan mind is blown.   
“The teaching gig from a few weeks ago?” she asked.  
Sara spoke before Emy could. “Yeah, I was sitting on a bench by a children’s playground and Emy sat next to me, next thing you know a month had gone by.”  
Tegan only shook her head, still unable to grasp how Sara is in front of her, again. 

“Well, I have to go back in, don’t forget to call me for dinner.” Emy said walking back to work.   
Sara waved and turned back to Tegan with a smile still on her face. “Small world huh, when she gave me her business card, I immediately thought of you.”  
Tegan felt herself go red.   
“It’s catchy.” Tegan said in her defense, but not defensively.   
Sara smiled, “I guess you finally understand why I liked my shirt so much.”  
Tegan let her head fall to the side, “Don’t even Quin.” 

Sara raised both her hands, “I'm not saying anything.” 

Tegan was a bit surprised that they were both reverting to their old selves with one another. 

Setting her hands down and into her coat, she asked Tegan if she had lunch already. “I’m starving and the guy inside said you hadn’t left the office until now. What do you say, my treat?”

After their order were taken, Sara dove right away into conversation. " So, tell me about what you've been up to since we last truly spoke to one another."   
Tegan shook her head, "That's too much information for one sitting, you're going to have to be more specific. What do you want to know?"  
"Okay, um, is there anyone special in your life?" Sara put her glass to her lips quickly, she was nervous about hearing the answer.   
"Right now, no. I want to focus on my work." Tegan's smile revealed she was not completely honest, and Sara uncomfortably adjusted in her seat. Tegan was an attractive, successful woman, of course there would-be women out there interested.  
"Ohh, just work huh."   
Tegan looked away, Sara's tone told her she did not believe her.   
“Actually, the other night I was supposed to go out with Terry Clark, remember her? I had the wine picked out and everything, but had to cancel."  
Sara raised her brows and tried not to spit out her wine. Tegan laughed and shook her head. "I know right. I ran into her at a mutual friend’s place. She's certainly changed a lot, she told me things that I needed to hear, and things that made sense. Turns out the girl who gave me such a hard time in school, actually had a thing for me."  
" Yeah, I figured. She always brought you up in some way or another. It was annoying."   
Tegan smiled, " Jealous?"   
"Always." Sara smiled and sipped more of her wine.   
Tegan scrunched her brows and eyes together, was Sara flirting with her.   
Setting her drink down, Sara cleared her throat. "Anyway, what happened that you were unable to fulfill poor Terry Clark of finally having her dream date?"   
Tegan watched Sara carefully, it seemed to her that Sara was not really interested in the answer as she looked to her phone.   
She huffed as she thought of Sara actually flirting with her.   
"I…I got bad news right before and cancelled."   
Sara looked to her with winkled brows on.   
"Oh, I’m sorry, I hope everything’s okay, or at least getting better." 

The two women caught up with one another, and both were surprised by each other’s lives.   
Sara updated Tegan about Jessica, how they met and how things between the two were better than ever with them just being friends. Selfishly, the news of Sara’s split from her wife made her day. She mentally berated herself but decided she did not care.   
Sara felt comfortable enough to tell Tegan about the child she wanted with Jess which left Sara teary eyed. She apologized for being emotional, but Tegan reassured Sara that she understood and let her know it was okay to be emotional over something as serious as a family.  
Tegan in return told her about the last woman she dated.   
Sara learned Tegan had her share of relationships but was shocked to learn Tegan had come out of a three-year relationship that ended because the woman proposed, but Tegan refused. Tegan did not have much to say about the relationship, just that they were not friends and it had only been a year and a half since the relationship fell apart. 

Later that night, Sara found it difficult to sleep, she calculated the time between Tegan’s break up and realized Tegan had only been single for a short time before she had seen her that Christmas Holiday with Ted.  
She tried to image how it would feel to see Tegan with another woman, hand in hand, kissing and being loving to her. Sara thought about Tegan with Terry Clark as well and cringed so hard at the idea.   
She was not sure what bad news Tegan received that stopped their date, but she was thankful for it. She knew Terry, and regardless if she had changed, Sara just knew she would not have let Tegan go home alone. 

Over the next two weeks Tegan and Sara spent most of their free time with one another.   
Their conversations hit more on work and everyday life, but neither seemed to care. They were both just happy to be getting along again. 

Jeremy of course tried to call and text Tegan during this time but was ignored. He sent apology texts then angry texts, and back to apology texts, it was a cycle that Tegan refused to care about. 

“Why do we come here again?” Asked Sara in jest as a man almost fell over trying to pick up his keys.  
Tegan laughed into her drink before resting it on the table. “The question should be why did we take those shots?”   
Sara admired Tegan’s big smile and glossy eyes; she loved the way Tegan looked tonight. She wore her well fit leather jacket as usual, but instead of a t-shirt, she had on a green and red flannel with the two top buttons, unbuttoned. Sara wished she could admire Tegan’s skin as well, but she did not want to get caught.   
“You, Ms. Rain, thought it would be nice to try something different. The Tequila was your idea.”   
Before Tegan could give her rebuttal, a group of people caught Tegan’s attention.   
“Sara, don’t look, but I just seen Shelly.”  
Sara laughs at the serious expression on Tegan’s face because it was not a serious matter at all, but Tegan does not notice and begins to give a play by play of everything Shelly is doing.   
“I think she’s with a guy. Yep, she’s with a guy, yeah, definitively, wow, they have no shame, you know, she’s not as cute as I remember.”  
Sara turns at the comment and Shelly happens to see Sara as well, she turns her head quickly and see’s Tegan waving.  
“Why are you- “  
Tegan smiles and tells Sara she is coming over the best way she can without moving her lips.  
“Hey there stranger” says Shelly as she rests one hand on her hip and playfully smacks Sara on the arm with the back of her other.   
“I heard you were in town.” Shelly looks to Tegan and then back to Sara with a grin that makes Sara instantly nervous. “So, you and Tegan huh.”  
"Yeah, yeah, me and Tegan, just having a few drinks." Sara sang in hopes of deflecting Shelly's meaning. 

“I’m going to get another drink; do you want one Sare?” Tegan asked as she stood. “Shelly? Can I get you one?”  
“Oh, Tegan thanks, but I just got one, I just wanted to come over and say hi.”   
When Tegan was gone Shelly asked about her and Tegan, Sara said they were just friends and that she was in town for a while catching up.   
Shelly explained how word around the preverbal campfire was Jeremy and Tegan were no longer friends because she and Tegan were a thing now. Apparently, Jeremy’s dislike for Sara was very well known, unfortunately not to Sara. At least not until he expressed that dislike with violence. 

“You know, I used to be so jealous of Tegan.” Shelly said with a smile. Sara laughed, “No, I’m serious.” Shelly once again swatted at Sara with the back of her hand. “You were always ditching me for her.”  
Sara laughed again, “Ditch you, come on, you were my first girlfriend, I was crazy about you. You know that.”  
Shelly shook her head, “It certainly felt like it at the time, remember when you spent the night with me at my grandma’s house.”  
It took Sara a moment, but she recalled that time. Mainly because of all the sex.   
“You were on the phone with Tegan that whole time.”  
Sara leaned her head to the side, the drinks taking away her filter she responded with, “Are you sure, I recall doing other things that whole time.”  
Shelly rolled her eyes, “Listen here Quin, I remember the sex also, but I especially remember my girlfriend leaving me alone in bed to go and talk with her best friend for hours while I sat watching T.V by myself.” 

When Tegan came back with their drinks, Tegan could tell Sara was in a different mood. However, she only told Tegan about half the reason she was upset, she could not repeat what Shelly had said about her being jealous, or how she was reminded of how oblivious she was to her feelings for Tegan at the time.

Tegan not knowing the full reason Sara was upset, admitted that Jeremy was not a fan hers, but assured Sara that his opinion did not matter and never had. That night Sara reached her hand across the table for Tegan’s and thanked her for saying so. Tegan in turn, gave Sara's hand a light squeeze. 

"Enough about him, let's get another shot." 

Sara smiled in return, "Yeah, enough about him."


End file.
